Apologies
by TerryJ
Summary: Daniel shows up Jack's house late one night to get something off his chest. post meridiannot slashsome spoilerage


I own nothing.

a/n: this takes place sometime in the seventh season and has spoilers from seasons 5, 6 and 7

"I'm coming, calm down already!"

Col. Jack O'Neill was clad in his favorite sweat pants and t-shirt as he grumbling made his way down to his front door. When he opened the door he was prepared to be pissed at who ever was waking him up at this ungodly hour. But when he opened the door Daniel spoke first.

"I'm sorry."

Jack paused and took in his friend's appearance. He didn't have his glasses on, he was unshaved and his clothes, which looked like they were his pajamas, were soaked. His eyes were rimmed red and it looked like he had been upset.

In a "I'm-not-angry-but-_it-is-_3:30-in-the-morning-so-I'm-gunna-be-gruff" voice, Jack demanded,

"Daniel, for crying out loud! What are you apologizing about? It's pouring out and its 3:30 in the morning. What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm sorry Jack. Really. I'm so sorry. I don't know ho…"

Jack cut him off, "Daniel, you're freezing, get inside." Daniel looked hesitant but Jack grabbed his shirt and pulled him in.

"Stay here." Daniel stared after Jack as he disappeared down the hall. After a short while during which Daniel could hear bumps and the colonel's muffled curses as he navigated his way around in the dark, Jack reappeared with some clothes under his arm. He quietly ushered Daniel into the bathroom,

"Here you go. You get into some dry clothes and I'll make something warm and then you can tell me what you're so sorry about."

"Jack…" Daniel started to protest, moving to leave the bathroom.

"Daniel." Jack looked sternly at his friend for a moment. "Look, you'll have a lot more to be sorry about if you don't get dry and I will not have the general get mad at me for letting you freeze to death after we just got you back. Now sush and get changed."

Daniel nodded in silent assent so Jack left him alone and put the kettle on.

Just as he was grabbing the coca out of the cabinet Jack heard Daniel coming into the room. Jack bit back a grin at the sight. The men didn't appear to really be that different in size but Jack had a much larger frame and his clothes hung off of Daniel in a slightly comical way. Jack nodded for Daniel to sit on one of the stools while he finished making the coca and handed one mug over to the still wet archaeologist.

"I don't know how you can stand this, Jack." Murmured Daniel dejectedly into his cup.

Jack looked at his friend, concerned. In a soft voice he asked, "Stand what Daniel? Taking care of my best friend when he shows up at my doorstep obviously upset about something? I don't see how that's incomprehensible." Jack was staring at Daniel who had still yet to look at him.

"No, how you can stand to be around me, be nice to me after what I did." Daniel started to get flustered while he spoke and gestured to himself.

"Did what Daniel? I don't know what's going on." His patience wearing thin, Jack leaned against the counter and wearily rubbed at his eyes.

"Did what? Jack, I betrayed you. You're my best friend and I wouldn't help you."

Jack's eyes dawned with understanding. "Daniel," he said softly.

"Jack." Daniel sternly interrupted. "Don't try to sugar coat it for me. I remembered everything on my own last night. I remembered seeing you tortured by Ba'al. I remembered your pain. Your begging me to help you. What did I do? Nothing. I offered to help you ascend. It was like I didn't even know you. Of course you wouldn't want to do that. And I did nothing. I sat there and watched you yell and suffer and cry and I stood there. I'm so sorry Jack. I'm so sorry I was so cold hearted."

Jack paused for a moment, not really wanting to have a discussion about this. He had compartmentalized the experience and did not feel like being reminded but his friend was suffering and he had to put his mind at ease.

"Daniel. You had said it yourself, there are rules. You weren't allowed to do anyth…"

"No Jack!" Daniel yelled. "There may have been rules but that doesn't mean I should have followed them! You said it yourself back there, if we had swapped places you would have broken me out of there and gone back for retribution."

Jack sighed. "Yes Daniel. Me. I said that. And what did you say? You told me I was a better man than that. While I don't necessarily agree with you on that point, you _are_ a better man than that. You are a good man and don't let anything I said while in a compromised state of mind get to you. I was frustrated and scared. Of course I said that. I didn't mean you should fault yourself for being honorable."

Daniel shook his head in violent disagreement. "I'm not all honorable and good. I broke the rules for the people of Abydos! Most of whom I don't even know. I didn't care about the rules for them so there is no excuse for not helping my best friend as he was tortured in the most horrible ways!"

"Danny." Jack leaned heavily on the counter between the two men. "Stop. Okay? Just stop. Don't beat yourself up over this."

"But Jack…" Daniel interrupted while hugging himself.

"No. Look at me." Jack slapped his hand onto to Daniel's shoulder. "There was a whole lot more at stake on Abydos. And if it weren't for you staying ascended we wouldn't have found that damn Atlantis tablet which will hopefully help us fight Anubis someday. Yes, it was rough in that fortress, but you helped more than you know. I figure you're not remembering this but I have a feeling that you helped to nudge Carter and the bunch to figure out how to get me out of there. Just _being there_ was a ton of help for me. Knowing there would be someone to talk with in that cell and being able to pretend what was happening wasn't really happening helped to keep me sane…even if I did think you were a delusion. With someone there I couldn't spend all my solitary time wallowing in my sorrows and being depressed. Daniel you came when I needed someone and that's all that matters. You _are_ a good man and a _great_ friend. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel otherwise. And seeing as we're having a heart to heart here and it's almost four in the morning so I can blame what ever I say on being tired, I need to tell you something else. I am SO glad you're back and you are okay. If you doubt me and thought I held any resentment toward you, well I wish I could share with you when I first saw you with Reynolds on that stupid planet with the nomads. As much as I hate to admit it, dealing with losing you was really rough…on all of us and I'm really glad to have you back."

The two men sat staring at each other for what seemed like a long time before Daniel finally spoke.

"Wow Jack. That's…I mean…what you just said…well…you just said a lot, for you, you know…"

Jack grinned tiredly and fixed Daniel with a curious stare. The doctor finally stopped babbling and gave Jack a wry grin,

"What I mean is that although I'm not completely okay with it myself, as long you know how sorry I am and don't hate me…I guess I can sleep and not beat myself up too much."

"I know Daniel, and yes, please don't beat yourself up, although I do think that would be an interesting sight..."

Daniel grinned wearily and began contemplating the contents of his coca mug. After another minute of sitting in silence Jack got up and motioned Daniel to the living room. When they got there Jack flung a pillow and a folded blanket at Daniel.

"You sleep here for a couple more hours. I'm going to try to get back to a very pleasant dream I was having. Remember…We don't have to be at the base until 9:30 today so no making coffee and waking me up before 8:50!"

"Okay Jack, thanks, see you in the morning."

"Oh and Danny?"

"Yeah?"

"Seeing as I guess you didn't hear me that time in the infirmary…Thank you."

Daniel just stared at the empty door frame for a moment, and then, like a small flame, a memory crept into his brain.

"I heard you Jack. I heard you."


End file.
